i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
