hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
