I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
