He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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