her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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