You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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