When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My bed smells like the plague
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
