So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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