i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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