yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
