I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
