I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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