I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
