She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
