mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Randomize
