Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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