if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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