I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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