what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
