Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
