Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
