I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
