dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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