I will die if light touches me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
