i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
