just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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