Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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