Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
