I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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