I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
