why didn't you poke me back
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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