You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
