I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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