someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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