Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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