You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
