i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
