How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
