Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
