I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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