I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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