Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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