it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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