He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods