Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
