she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
