toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need a hoe opinion