So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
