Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
