Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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