If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
