Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
