YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
