Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
