I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
