Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
