I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
