i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
