hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
