are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
