WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
