i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
