Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
