an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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